Act 4, Scenes 1-2
December 4, 2007
Act 4, Scene 1
John Mayer and Mary Kate Olsen stand at a New York street corner having awkward conversation.
Mary Kate
I used to sell drugs on this corner.
John
That’s cool.
Mary Kate
Yeah.
John
So…do you like music?
Mary Kate
No.
John
Oh.
Silence.
John
Do you like food?
Mary Kate
Laughs.
John
Looks around.
End Scene.
Act 4, Scene 2
Lance Armstrong and Ashley Olsen sit at a cafeteria, laughing.
Lance
That’s the funniest thing I’ve ever heard!
Ashley
I know, Bob Saget is kind of an asshole.
Lance
And it never grew back?
Ashley
Note even a little!
Lance
Man.
Ashley
I know.
Lance
Okay, now tell me the truth. What’s John Stamos like in real life?
Ashley
Oh, he’s a sweetheart.
Lance
I knew it!
Ashley
But what about you? What is it about bicycles that you like so much?
Lance
I don’t know, I guess it’s something about the duality. Two wheels, two pedals. I’ve just always had a thing for even numbers. That’s why this…you know, whole ordeal has been kind of rough.
Ashley
That’s funny, I’m the opposite. I’ve never liked even numbers. Maybe it’s just my response to being part of a pair for so long. I don’t even like to wear pants, because they come in a pair.
Lance
It’s amazing how we’re so different, and yet I still find myself wanting to be with you.
Ashley
It’s amazing how you’re so old, and yet I still find myself wanting to be with you!
End Scene.
