Ash-Strong: Act 3, Scene 2

Ash-Strong: A Love for the Ages

Act 3, Scene 2

Corner of 189th and 3rd, New York City

John Mayer is discussing something serious-seeming with what appear to be two small elves covered in cloaks.

John

And then I said, your body is a wonderland!

The elves laugh, not revealing their faces.

Enter Lance Armstrong.

Lance

All right, John, I’m here. Why all the secrecy? What’s going on here?

John

Lance, I have some people I’d like you to meet.

The elves turn around and reveal themselves to be Mary Kate and Ashley Olsen.

Lance

What’s this about, John?

John

Lance, these are the twins I was talking about. Meet Mary Kate and Ashley Olsen. Otherwise known as tv’s Michelle.

Lance

John, twins, don’t take this the wrong way, but I really don’t think this is going to cure me of my depression. I need something new in my life, and this is just more of the same.

John

Lance, what are you talking about? Are you saying you are always hanging out with ridiculously rich and famous sets of adorable twins?

Lance

John, you will never understand me, will you? How can you be such a sentimental cascade of emotions when it comes to your own failures in love, but you can’t understand my needs? Don’t you see what’s happening here? Don’t you see why twins are the exact opposite of what I need to heal?

John

I don’t understand.

Lance

Basically, John, your stupid mouth has got you in trouble again.

Exit Lance.

Mary Kate

Who was that?

Ashley

Lance, wait!

Exit Ashley, following Lance offstage.